I sat there. My heart beating a little faster than normal. I could feel the bubbly anticipation deep in my heart space. My eyes twinkled and a beaming smile crept across my face. The faint rumblings of my ‘responsible’ inner voice protesting “are you completely mad?!!!!”. And yet my heart was shouting a big fat YES!!!! I glanced around at the circle of amazing women before me and wondered how they were feeling in this moment?

We stood up and started walking towards the enclosure. My awareness turned inward again to my heart beating even faster and a flutter of butterflies in my stomach. OMG!!!! This is it. I’m actually doing this. No going back now. This is what I’d been looking forward to the most. What I’d been excited about since the day I signed up to do Be Wild (a year-long connection journey).

On the advice from the guides, we spread out across the field and sat down randomly with lots of space between us. Quietly we sat waiting. And then suddenly I felt the gust of air as he rushed past me. WOW!!!! A powerful, elegant timber wolf had entered the enclosure. His fur was much whiter than I’d expected, with a hint of brownish-black along his back. Then another appeared in sight, he was a bit darker and the most captivating yellow eyes. I turned around to see a third wolf with almost black fur staying well away in the corner of the enclosure. Clearly more cautious than the other two.

I watched them tentatively walk around their enclosure. Assessing whether we were friend or foe. Searching the air with their noses for vital clues. I watched them lovingly connect with their very familiar human guides and I started to relax. I became aware that one was sniffing the back of my head and moved round round to my left side and leaned his entire weight right against me. It was similar to what my Labrador did when he wanted a good scratch. So that’s what I did! It was just intuitive. I couldn’t quite believe I was back scratching a real live Timber wolf. Amazing!!!! Later I discovered that he was the Decision-Maker male, who generally didn’t make contact with new humans. I felt honoured.
He moved away and another wolf approached me directly from the front. I watched him walking right towards me looking into his orange eyes and felt his nose push gently to my mouth sniffing. I opened my mouth gently as we had been advised to do (if we were happy to) and his tongue probed my mouth looking for even more vital clues. Yep, I actually had a wolf’s tongue in my mouth!!! Now that’s something I’d never thought I’d ever say.

We met another group of wolves, a much younger group, and observed how their energy was more lively than the older group. We also observed the different behaviours from each individual wolf too. And when they howled… oh my word!!!! To be there, amongst them. To witness it first-hand. To be enveloped by the beautiful, raw, guttural sound and sense the ground vibrate around you… was so moving.

It’s quite honestly one of the most powerful and primal experiences I’ve ever experienced in my life. And one I’ll never forget. Not just because I came face to face with one of nature’s most accomplished predators but also for what they’ve taught me.

You see, each wolf has a different role they play in the group. A role they were born to do. A role that they are valued for equally, because every role is equally important for the survival of the group. This unconditional acceptance is a fundamental way of life for wolves. And one I feel we could learn so much from if we adopted this culture. This resonated with me so strongly as I have a fundamental belief that we all have something we’re brilliant at. What we were born to do. And it’s one of the things I help my coaching clients re-discover.

I was surprised to learn there is no alpha wolf! In fact, it’s a common misconception. The closest we get to an alpha is the Decision-Maker Male and a Decision-Maker Female. They tend to be more cautious, more reserved and often hold back from interaction. The group look to them for guidance, and they might be slightly more protected than other wolves if under attack. However, despite this more leadership-style role, it’s not a ‘power-over’ and that’s the important distinction.

Next there’s the Pro-Social wolf. These wolves are much more inclined to interact with each other and bring the fun and play. They’re also happier to follow, rather than be in a leadership or decision-making role.

Another important role is the Protector. This wolf has a strong presence and helps the group to feel more grounded and secure. You know that he/she would be the first to protect the group from danger or threat.

The Tester’s role is exactly that! Their sole purpose is to ‘test’ each wolf to prove they can still fulfil their role. From the outside they might be perceived as the ‘annoying or mischievous’ one but their role is vital to highlight any weaknesses within the group. The guide also shared that within our own domestic dogs these are often the ones who are labelled as ‘uncontrollable’ and up being put down. Quite sad really when you think they’re just trying to do their role.

There are also some Specialist roles like the Diffuser. The role of this wolf is to calm any heated behaviours or disagreements within the group. Think of them as the peace-maker and they tend to have a more gentle energy.

And when a wolf is ready to retire from their main role they will likely step into the Nanny role. For example if a Protector gets too old and weak to fulfil that role they would step aside and let a new younger Protector take their place. The role of the Nanny is to share wisdom and teach the younger wolves within the group.

I wonder which role resonates with you the most? Which qualities most match your own? And then ask yourself is this learned behaviour or natural behaviour?

When I was observing the wolves I resonated the most with the Diffuser. I’m aware I have a very grounded energy and provide a sense of calm for others. BUT after further discussion with the guides (who were very closely watching how the wolves interacted with us) it turns out I’m a Pro-Social. And that I may have been suppressing my natural role to meet the expectations of myself and others. It may help to explain why I’m at my most happiest dancing like a mad-person at a music festival!!!

Imagine knowing what you were born to do and being able to fulfil that role authentically as you. Imagine being valued equally for the specific role you play. Imagine never having to feel ‘not good enough’ or ‘trying to be something you’re not’ to meet the expectations of others. I dream of a world like this and these are just some of the lessons we can learn from the wolves.